TAPASYA AND ICHCHHA: Parents Script Us

TAPASYA AND ICHCHHA…

You won’t understand it now but it is true that PARENTS SCRIPT US.

Many times I feel..
We are repeating our parents..

History repeats itself, as they say.
Unhappy couples have children who rarely have happy married life.

It’s a constant struggle to undo your parents at times.
What parents do is unintentional and they rarely want to hurt their children.
But their understanding of life is limited to their experience..

In Utaran, now Damini is on a road to sacrifice everything for Divya.

Sacrifice is a virtue, a value to be taught to children.

Tapasya needs a little bit of it.

And Ichchha needs to sacrifice the habit of sacrificing .. !!!

But her mother is scripting her, teaching her a value that a child won’t understand. Child might just imitate parent without understanding the implications.

But values need to be taught with a pinch of salt.

If Ichchha keeps sacrificing for Tapasya, then a day will come when she would have sacrificed everything for her friend and she will still find her friend is unhappy. No one can make the other happy by just giving. The other has to find his/ her happiness in life.
Tapasya now is on a path, where she is seeking disapproval, rejection and dejection. No one can make her happy because she has stopped being happy.

Where did it come from?

Jogi doesn’t seem like this.
It must have come from Divya.
Why does Divya not look within to find why Tapasya is behaving in a certain way?
She cannot. That’s her limitation. She is not analytical. She is impulsive and her child is also impulsive. Since Divya cannot analyse, she cannot correct behaviour of her child.

She can just substitute gifts for true love.

“Buy my child a new cycle and she will be happy.”

Many parents do it. They feel they love their children by giving, but probably they are just dealing with their own guilt.

And since Jogi is on a guilt trip he has lost his ability to analyse.
He cannot touch the tip of the nose of his daughter and say…
“Let’s ring up the sun “
Like the father in Arvi Siig’s poem does..

May be there are a lot of people who are of the opinion that Damini is an ideal mother. But I feel she is a weak mother. Otherwise she would have left haveli by now. She has been scripted to go on self-pity. Such parents ruin children’s lives.

And I am sure Damini will ruin Ichchha’s questioning and ambition both.

Dear Damini

You are a looser.
And “I’ m not ok” mother.
Ichchha will be just like you in a decade or so.
Sorry for being harsh.

BUT YOU JUST DON’T LEARN FROM YOUR PAST.

YOU WANT TO BE A MAID..

AND “SO BE IT.” SAYS THE GENIE WHO MIGHT LEAVE YOU SOON.

I shared theve view with one of my friend, Dr Lakshmi Rao, who has been teaching and practising Transactional Analysis for more than a decade. Here’s what she wrote.

“Our scripting takes place when we are not able to ask the question "WHY". The value of sacrifice is instilled in us at an age when we cannot question them. Moreover the values of good and bad are as "OUR PARENTS THOGUHT THEM TO BE. IT IS WHAT THEY THINK IS RIGHT AND WRONG".
The not OKness of damini is visible in every frame. Even the moments when ichchha is examining her mother's reactions, there is this overpowering force of sacrifice from Damini which is thrust on Ichchha. That’s what happens to all of us.

Our adult is systematically contaminated by these strong parent recordings and our script takes a turn to be a loser---NOT OKNESS written all over.
Let me know about this. Lakshmi.

So the story will move in a direction decided by the character of Damini and we cannot stop or change it.

“So be it..!!”

Anil